Aveda Blue Malva Product Review

Hello!  I made another video.  This time it's about my first impressions of the Aveda Blue Malva shampoo and conditioner, and - possibly most exciting of all - it contains a cameo from my cat.  

In case you were wondering, Malva is another name for Mallow, picture here:

Here is a link to the Wikipedia page.   Here is a picture of me with the shampoo:

If you don't have time to watch the video, basically the message is that it's purple, smells interesting and I quite liked it.

The Silver Snooper: My Interview with Mimi

I met Mimi on Instagram, and asked her if she would mind answering some questions for my blog.  Her answers are extremely eloquent and insightful.  Happy reading!

How old are you? 37

When did you first start going grey? I remember my Mum's hairdresser shriekingly telling all his colleagues to come see, he'd found some white hairs on my head when I was about 15. Hilarious! (Not.)

What made you decide to stop dyeing your hair and go fully grey? About 3 years ago. We were at a party with about a dozen friends. All the men (those that still had hair) were starting to go gently grey around the temples. Two of the women had naturally brown hair with little or no grey yet, and the remaining women (including me) had very obvious, very dark, very dyed hair. Don't get me wrong, everyone looked great, but it just felt a bit unfair. I wondered why it so unusual for women to go down the silver fox route naturally? What are we frightened of? 

Was it a difficult decision? I'd been thinking about it for a while, so not really. I was sick of wasting so much time, money and effort to look like a woman with obviously dyed hair. To look like a woman who has to spend so much time, money and effort to cover up what she really looks like. And the dye and highlights were only really convincingly smart for about 10 days, then there were always a few weeks when I had to hope the wind didn't blow from behind and expose my tramlines to the person walking behind me. Seriously, life is too short for all that. 

How did it work logistically?  Well. Cautionary tale. I have dark brunette hair. Therefore almost impossible to blend white in to. My hairdresser suggested going blonde and then gradually reducing the quantity of blonde highlights over time. It looked horrific, wrecked my hair, and of course I'm still growing out the frazzled straw ends several years later. To be fair though, she was faced with an almost impossible task, because I wouldn't allow her to crop my hair at any point, and blending white into dark brown hair when it's long, is never really going to happen quickly. The blonde saved me from the infamous skunk stripe to an extent... I guess. I'm nearly done now, and my hairdresser and I are still friends. So I'll just shred any photos from the early stages and we'll talk no more about it, 'kay?

How have people responded?

Back when I was still a full-head-o-highlights-plus-all-over-tint, I visited an old uni friend and mumbled something about needing to get my roots done. She said, without hesitation "Yes, you really do." Nothing that I've heard since going grey has been as hurtful as that. Around about the same time an Australian hairdresser told me that people go grey younger and younger these days because, in her opinion, "kids eat so much shitty processed meat." I was 29. The scientist in me wanted to scream at her about evidence-based research, but the human being part of me just said "Thanks for insulting me." I asked her to finish up as quickly as possible and never went back. 

Since going grey, people just say stupid stuff, not hurtful stuff. I've had the usual "Are you going grey on purpose?" (such a weird question I can't even figure out the answer). I've had a stranger tell me it looks lovely, only to follow it up with "I couldn't do it, I'm not as brave as you". Hmmmmmn. If you think I have to be brave to look like this, then you clearly DON'T think it looks lovely, but whatevs. I didn't say it of course, I just smiled and thought of actual brave people, y'know, like refugees giving birth in camps. The oddest one, which I have heard over and over, is that my skin will start to lose pigment now that I've gone grey. Firstly, from my brief research, that's not a thing - the cells that moderate colour in your hair and skin have different triggers. But also, as we've already ascertained, my hair was starting to go grey in my teens so if it were true (which I don't believe it is) my skin would've been, what, fading (?) for 20 years already. My skin won't start losing pigment just because I've stopped using dye. Dumbos. 

Most people I know are sufficiently intelligent that they haven't responded at all. My friends and family really couldn't give two hoots what colour my hair is. The loveliest response I've had is a kind of strange one. I was chatting to a mum at the school gate - someone I see every day - and she complimented my bright shirt. I said something like "well, I try to steer clear of my grey clothes now that I've let my hair go grey." She replied "Why would you let your hair go grey?". Sounds strange for me to say that's the loveliest response. But it is, because I see her every day and she hadn't even noticed. 

How do you think that having grey hair will change your makeup/wardrobe, if at all?

I do try to dress more colourfully than I used to, and just this year I've started wearing a bit more make up. But it's a chicken and egg thing. I would say that I feel more confident in my 30s than I have at other points in my life, so I'm happy dressing more brightly and more like the true "me". But maybe I feel more confident because I have my own hair and I'm not trying to conceal it. So I don't know if brighter make up and clothes came before or after the grey hair - d'you see what I mean? Either way, bright colours do help to give me some corners - stop my face fading in to my hair. I also often wear heavy black Rayban specs now, which I love. Again, they help with definition.

What do you think that going grey means to women vs. men?

I think it's a huge divide. I've only known a few men that conceal their grey hair. I think that in this respect (and I'm sure I'm not alone) they're totally unhinged. Naturally greying hair is absolutely acceptable for men, even young men, and society accepts that it looks fantastic and it's, well, normal. And yet society has almost exactly the opposite expectation for women: "let yourself go" grey when you're young = unkempt and a bit weird, whereas a phoney ebony or mahogany barnet for the next 40 years = totally normal, in fact, de rigeur. Baffling. Maybe I'm reading too much in to it, but I can't think of any other reason for the clear distinction at that party three years ago.

Mimi can be found on Instagram on @mimi_hammill.  Mimi is also a pattern designer, and you can buy her fabulous patterned silk scarves here http://mimihammill.com/shop/.

Thanks for reading, as always!

Hell is Other People

Just quoting Jean-Paul Sartre there.  This isn't just a blog about going grey, you know.  You get the odd philosophical quote thrown in as well!   What JPS meant when he wrote this is that our opinion of ourselves is intrinsically linked to other people's opinions of us.  We cannot figure out who we are without taking into account other people's judgements of us.  This is hell in its truest form.  

Now, I'm not saying I agree with him *sideeye*.  However, in my experience, a lot of people eventually reveal themselves to be idiots who are unable to keep their opinions to themselves.   This presents all manner of problems for one's self worth.

I have spoken to a lot of people in the course of writing this blog, most of whom are going grey themselves.  I would say that 90% of them have received some sort of negative reaction to their choice (although it's not always a choice, of course).  I have been pretty lucky so far.  As I mentioned in another post, my mum told me that I needed to put some colour on my hair, but otherwise I've had nothing but positive and supportive reactions.  Either that or people simply haven't noticed.  

Other people haven't been so lucky.  People's mums have told them that going grey will make them look old, or that men won't fancy them anymore.  People's colleagues have told them that it's indicative of the fact that they don't care about their appearance.   Other people's acquaintances have told them that they think it will look terrible and they'll eventually go back to dyeing their hair.  

Now, as someone whose life mantra is 'don't be a dick' (except when I'm being a dick, of course), I am astonished by this level of rudeness.  I am astonished by people's rudeness on an almost daily basis, but unsolicited comments on people's appearance really get my goat.  The level to which people pay attention to what other people are doing is unreal.  People are obsessed with other people.  Maybe it helps them to feel better about their own insecurities.  Maybe they're just nosy parkers who can't keep their mouths shut.  Maybe it's the rise of social media, whereby people now have a forum to voice their opinion on everything, and carry this over into everyday life.  Whatever it is, it has to stop.  I was always taught that if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Perhaps people should start remembering that.

Another thing is, most men don't have to deal with this level of criticism about their appearance.  But that's a different rant blog post entirely...

Mothers - Who'd Have 'Em?

I saw my mother at the weekend.  Never one for dishing out compliments at the best of times, within minutes she looked at my roots and said to me 'ooooh, you need to put some colour on your hair'.  There's really no-one who can get to the crux of one's insecurities quite like one's mother.  I calmly explained that I was in fact going grey on purpose, and was growing out the grey because I was fed up of having to dye it all the time, it was damaging my hair and so on.  I stopped short of saying to her that if anyone was to blame for my premature greyness it was her and her genes ;).  We actually ended up having quite an interesting conversation about the perils of going grey (she still dyes her hair), and how when she started going grey in her early 30s she absolutely could not face it, and there was never any doubt in her mind whether to dye it or not.  I explained that I was fed up of the fact that it is such a stigma for women, and that I actually thought it would look quite nice when it had fully grown out.

I should think myself lucky really.  It was the first negative (and really not even that negative) comment that I have had about my hair, aside from my friend (who doesn't have a grey hair on her head and therefore has no idea what I am dealing with) telling me that she would rather 'grow old disgracefully'.  I am expecting more comments as the roots start to grow out further, but we shall see.

On another note, today is pretty much the two-month anniversary of the blog, so here are a couple more photos of me not smiling for your delectation:

As you can see, the roots are really starting to show through now.  I haven't done anything about trying to amalgamate the existing hair colour with the roots yet, and don't intend to for the time being.  Aside from the fact that it looks a bit untidy, I really don't mind the colour of the roots at all.  I have been trying to take good care of the condition of it to stop it looking dry - coconut oil is good for this - and it actually looks quite nice on some days.  As you can see from the top pic, they roots are considerably whiter at the front which is a bit annoying.  This seems to be a pretty common pattern for greyness.  I wonder why that is.  I am also considering having it cut a bit shorter, so watch this space...

The Silver Snooper: My Interview with Carrie

I met Carrie recently on a forum, on a discussion about going grey.  As she is about my age, I thought it would be interesting to get her thoughts.  Usual format - pics and a few questions:

How old are you? 33

When did you first start going grey?   I got my first grey hair when I was a teenager (a friend's dad 'kindly' pulled it out stating "that's what happens when you dye your hair") but I'm not sure when I started properly going grey because I never really saw my natural hair between then and now!

What made you decide to stop dyeing your hair and go fully grey?  It was a culmination of a couple of things  that made me think about it carefully.   Firstly, I am very particular about what goes onto my skin and scalp but I was still dumping dye on my hair every 6 weeks and that made no sense. Especially because it would make my scalp itchy and even flakier than normal. Secondly, and more of a cliché, I wasn't doing it for me. When I first started dyeing my hair, it was to try out fun colours (which I loved!) but then it was all about faking it. Faking it made me anxious because grey roots showed through very quickly, so I was constantly aware of how my hair looked to other people. I didn't want them to think I was lazy. Finally, I thought I might as well try and grow it out whilst I still had some colour in my hair to avoid the classic badger look.

Was it a difficult decision?  Yes.  A few years ago I managed four months without dye but caved in because I was interviewing for jobs at the time. I didn't want employers to think I didn't look after myself or take pride in my appearance. This could be a coincidence, but I dyed my hair the night before an interview and got offered the job. From then on, I continued dying my hair for another 18 months or so because I had then set the expectation for work (and myself) that I dyed my hair! I think the main thing I've learned about myself is that I'm far too worried about what other people might think.

How did it work logistically? I just went 'cold turkey'. One month I got to the point where I needed some new dye. I began doing research about more gentle/ natural looking ways to blend grey (professional treatments aren't in my budget) and essentially learned that there wasn't one. So, I picked up some semi-permenant dye but just never got around to putting it on my hair.   There wasn't much I could do to disguise the short roots and initially the lengths of my hair went through an incredibly brassy stage making my natural hair look more dramatic than it is. Also, the roots looked darker which often made my hair appear greasy. Now, the old dye has calmed down a lot. I had my hair chopped into a messy bob and mostly just leave it. My biggest concern was managing the coarse, wiry nature of my greys. These days I generally co-wash, use lots of coconut oil and keep my straighteners to hand!

How have people responded?   No one said anything initially, and I didn't make a public declaration about what I was doing.  Once it was obvious that I'd made a conscious choice not to dye my hair, I got a few comments, mostly positive although my mum has said that she feels old when she looks at my hair!

How do you think that having grey hair will change your makeup/wardrobe, if at all?   There are some things in my wardrobe that I'm slightly more aware of - I make more of an effort to look smart/ put together but nothing drastic has changed. I don't wear much make up, but I haven't stopped using any of my current products because of my hair.

What do you think that going grey means to women vs. men?   I'm not sure - I know that because I'd spent so many years colouring my hair I was worried that I would be perceived differently but a part of me also thinks that I was projecting my worries onto other people. I know that I was stuck in a catch-22 situation: I set the expectation to dye my hair so I kept on dyeing my hair and I wonder if this is true of other people too.